Beauty in the STORM!

I sit here on this cold and bitter morning and skim over the last few years of my life. I have felt the loss of my identity for years when I had emerged myself into being a wife and a mother of five amazing boys. Friendships came and gone some were humongous blessings and others broke me. Wasn’t sure where I stood with friends, or family members let alone myself. Lost touch with who I was who I wanted to be and who I was going to become. I had no clue where I was going or how I was going to get there in probably the hardest season of my life. I WAS LOST!

It’s crazy right to be submerged in the middle of everything, but to completely feel like you’re in the middle of nowhere. Let’s just say life hit me hard. And for once I had no idea or plan to fix the situation that I found myself in. My battle wounds were finally showing every bruise, every cut, every word was showing, and I couldn’t hide from it anymore. I could feel myself braking inside. With no way to repair the pieces. I couldn’t hide my pain, my sorrow, my hurt, the doubt, the chaos that has always been inside me. But did they see it? Did they hear it? Did they feel it?  Have they heard me screaming in agony all these years? Have they seen and felt my pain? The heavy load that I carry daily.? The sadness and hurt that I carry of others. Others trauma and burdens that have been placed upon me that I have carried throughout my childhood to my adulthood. All questions that I had no answers for, but I told myself no one seen me, no one hears me. But isn’t that all we really want is to be heard and seen? 

These years in my past were difficult and hard. I felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. But if I’m being honest when I look back,  I realize that during those moments were the moments that I hit my knees the most. In my anger, in my sadness, in my  hopelessness and feeling betrayed. In those moments is when I would cry out to the Lord and ask why. I for the life of me during those moments couldn’t understand why He would allow such pain and sorrow. Why He left me alone in all the chaos. But as I sit here, and I look back I think maybe the world and the people closest to me didn’t see me or hear me but in those moments, but He did. Those were the moments that I truly felt God. I felt His comfort, His strength, His love. Those were the moments that I heard the Lord. 

I realize that because of sin we will always have trials and tribulations, pain and sorrow and that things will not be perfect until Jesus’s return. Though we do not know the hour nor the time I believe it to be soon. But until then in His presence, His living word, He can give you peace, joy and true unconditional love. He can show you the beauty in the storm. Give you a new perspective on life. Through Him, He can show that He never left you. That He fights for you. Like in Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. And in Isaiah 41:10 He says, “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. During those times in my life my Lord and Savior was there for me. I did not know it in the moment. I didn’t see it when I was in the middle of the storm. I didn’t feel it until I came out of it, but it was Him, Jesus who saved me. I would not have survived the darkest and I mean the darkest times of my life without Him, I only survived because of Him.